01 November 2007 -- Holy Shit(!)

Sorry. You knew it was coming eventually, though. Just be thankful I was able to resist for this long!

Okay, so the primary interpretation of this post's title refers to the High Holy Days, which wrapped up at the beginning of October. Many of you know that the autumn weeks including Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, and Simchat Torah comprise the most solemn season of the Jewish year. So, what does this mean for the typical Israeli, who is technically Jewish but not very religious? Well, it's basically a long quasi-vacation filled with ridiculously heavy meals. I've never been invited to so many dinners (and I've never been so full afterward). I could get used to this! It's interesting to note that even the most secular Israelis close up shop and refrain from driving on Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year. What this means in modern Israel is that kids on bikes and skateboards take over the streets. Major intersections normally packed with cars are instead peopled by giggling youngsters on self-powered machines. Not exactly what the rabbis of old had in mind, I'm sure, but it's a cool phenomenon to watch. No, I didn't bust out the rollerblades.

By the addition of a mere exclamation point, the post title turns into an exclamation of distressed surprise. This brings us to the nationwide teachers' strike that has closed high schools and junior highs across Israel for the past three weeks. I won't get into the minutiae here, but the basic struggle is over salaries, work hours, and class size. An Israeli teacher with a master's degree, fifteen years of experience, and substantial professional development credits makes about 8,000 sheqels (~$2,000) a month, before taxes. Take-home pay is under 6,000 sheqels (<$1,500), or less than 72,000 sheqels (<$18,000) a year. A year. The government funds schools assuming a student-teacher ratio of 40:1. If schools want classes to be smaller, they have to raise the necessary money themselves or charge tuition (which many "public" schools do). The rhetoric on both sides is hostile and often bombastic, but rarely productive. Some teachers from my school have actually begun a hunger strike to protest the government's failure to recognize the educational crisis in Israel, and over 1,000 teachers across the country have signed letters of resignation that will go into effect if the Labor Court issues back-to-work orders. As I said: Holy Shit!

Since I don't have any good pictures from either the holidays or the strike, I'll treat my beloved readers to an amusing smorgasbord of images from around Israel. Enjoy!

I'll start with one of my favorites. This is the sign for a beauty parlor just up the street from my apartment. The owner named the place after himself. So what? Well, those of you who can read Hebrew should just sound it out. I'll help the rest of you. It reads (phonetically): Doody Penis. The guy's name is Doody Penis. Can't blame him for his name, I guess, but couldn't he have chosen something else to call his business?

SpongeBob is going to need a bigger pair of SquarePants if he keeps drinking 3% milk!


Because nothing says "I'm a hip hop hustler gangsta" more than announcing yourself as such on a plastic playground slide in Haifa, Israel. Middle East-side!


These signs are on electricity poles all around the city. Gotta love Israeli subtlety!


This is the only "Mexican" restaurant in Haifa, its sole competitor (right across the street) having just closed its doors. The name of the place is Sancho. I find Hebrew especially amusing when it's used to spell Spanish words!


It's only right that I include some bit of holiness in my photo selection. This is "The Rebbe," the leader of a Hasidic (ultra-Orthodox mystical Jewish) movement. His face is plastered all over Israel.


And what might one purchase at a "dragstore"?


Straightforward as it seems, this message has not been effectively conveyed to the general Israeli populace. Perhaps if it were translated...


Believe it or not, this is exactly the kind of thing a stylish young Israeli man would wear. I'm not sure whether he (or his mother) knows what De Puta Madre means, but that is entirely beside the point. Sporting a tight shirt with sparkly non-Hebrew letters is all that matters. A matching beanie doesn't hurt, either.


This is Pizza Domino, the kosher rival of decidedly non-kosher Domino's Pizza (which happily delivers pepperoni pies on Shabbat). How do you say "copyright infringement" in Hebrew?


Ooh, another holy one! These are mosaics donated by Christians in Viet Nam and Thailand to the Basilica of the Annunciation in Nazareth. I was fascinated by them because I'd never before seen an image of a Southeast Asian Virgin Mary. Who knew?

This is my favorite storefront display in Haifa. I think the disembodied leg and the picture of some guy shackled to a toilet beautifully speak to the existential juxtaposition of freedom and constraint. Yeah.

See, he's not dead! He just took a break to do some tagging in Haifa.

Even though I'm getting better at reading Hebrew, I still like to ask for English menus because the mistranslations are so amusing. Here, one can only assume that "Beards of Pray" is supposed to be "Birds of Prey," but even that doesn't make sense since the only fowl offered is chicken. Maybe Israel has carnivorous chickens. Or just ultra-Orthodox ones.

Same menu, different page. Check out the second-to-last dish. Homos with meat, huh? I think I've seen that movie...