18 June 2007 -- Aliyah Anxiety
Three months characterized by irony, anomaly, and blunt contradiction continue unabated as I sit on the roof of my parents' home in México having just completed my first night of Hebrew homework. Huh?! Exactly. Well, for all of my current circumstance's seeming ridiculousness, there is an unquestionable air of adventure around it, and I am steadily shifting from bitterness about leaving KHHS to enthusiasm about my next endeavor.
[my parents in front of the Parroquia in their hometown of San Miguel de Allende]That said, I have a few reservations...
1) Hebrew is hard. My tutor is already gushing about what a "brilliant" and "amazing" student I am, but I'm sure that's just relative. I'm used to being a communicator; eloquence (or ease of speech, at least) defines my comfort zone. I fear imminent professional and personal situations in which I will be unable to express myself fully -- or at all. What's left for me when I can't talk or write? Interpretive dance? Hey, maybe those late-night study-break sessions with my college roommates (and Madonna, of course) will finally pay off! Seriously, though, I just don't want to be the guy for whom everyone else has to speak English. I'm clinging to the notion that I will be immersed in the immigrant experience that shapes so many of my past and future students' lives, and I will thus become a more competent, compassionate teacher. For now, I just need to stick with my studies and achieve a conversational level of Hebrew by the beginning of September. En bayah! [No problem!]
2) I hate the feeling of dependence that has suddenly settled in my gut. My parents will soon be the wardens of my house, my car, my dog, my snake, and my American finances. In Israel, I will constantly have to ask others for directions, advice, and translation. Eran (my new boss) has already performed an array of duties on my behalf, and he seems to have a small army of people ready to help me in various ways once I arrive. I will work fervently to return favors and validate these people's investment in me, but I am uneasy beginning so many relationships on such unequal terms.
[Grizzlee, Cedric, and I at home in Houston][Entry postponed due to darkness.]
3 comments:
Age: 30 <-Oldies!
Gender: Male <-Is that right?
Zodiac Year: Dragon <- How is that of imporatance?
wow, I read all of that with all those big ass words. Dude somethings never change, that is a good thing. First I wanted to say it is great to read that you are getting over you bitterness at KHHS. we are so in the same boat. As well as you, we both needed to get away from there and continue the mission. If that took you across the world and me across town. Because it is a whole new world for me over on that side of town. I mean they don't even have a starbucks in driving distance. Any how. Love the photo, i wasn't feeling the band collar outfit with the beenie on your head (brad will kill me for not knowing what that is) anyway love and miss you. Keep in touch.
Ya boi
Isaiah Spann
I hope you don't find it too intrusive, but I can say with full confidence that I enjoyed reading through your documentation of your Israeli adventure.
Having read the entries from latest to first, your disillusionment became all the more apparent, though.
I hope you remember me fondly, Matthew, I honestly do.
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